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KUWTK Season Finale (S16E12) – Jordyngate Pt II

Coping Mechanisms – the Good, the Bad, the Ugly

This episode follows the family as they begin to reconcile with their feelings of anger, both publicly and privately. When Kimora Lee Simmons puts forth the idea that the Kardashians are conveying weakness, Khloe reacts VISCERALLY. “Khlo-Money is back” she says emphatically, declaring that the family’s passive attitude is no longer acceptable – they have to fight back with a vengeance. The Kardashians are not to be f-cked with. Interestingly, for moral support, Khloe suggests calling Kanye. Who better to garner support from than the aggressive tweeter himself? “How bout you send just 200 tweets?”

I found this episode to be one of the most humanizing I’ve ever seen. Though the Kardashians are dealing with an unrelatable PR shit-storm, they’re also dealing with backlash after a few petty tweets. This is truly part of the human (particularly the female) condition. Khloe’s tweeting at Jordyn after Red Table Talk was certainly mishandled, and Khloe herself notes as much at the end of the episode when the general public begins to shift blame and anger toward her. Kim and Malika’s breakup singalong in the car was also met with criticism by fans and Kylie Jenners alike. Kim likewise admits this is not what she’s about. The bullying ain’t it, and I’m proud that the girls seemed to own up to their own poor behavior despite their frustration with Jordyn.

To me, Kylie actually comes out on top through this episode. The way she handles this incredibly challenging and unfair situation is by rising up with maturity and grace. “She’s obviously going through a personal journey… that I’m not supportive of,” says Kylie, speaking diplomatically about the struggle her friend is going through while also asserting that her actions were clearly unacceptable. Her business decisions also speak volumes – Kylie decides to remove the Jordy lipkits from sale so as not to be “messy,” and this decision reflects her calm attitude both in life and in business.

Honorable mention to Scott for his alternate perspective. He’s consistently bringing levity to this group and it’s an admirable quality, especially considering all the years he got shit from the family for essentially being a f*ck-up. When Khloe wonders why Jordyn did Red Table Talk before apologizing to her, Scott poses an interesting idea: “maybe she’s petrified – you guys are pretty powerful.” Scott–were you in my brain last week?

Family First

This week, I was brought back to the original reason I fell in love with this show: family. As the girls grapple with disloyal friends, they are brought back to their roots: family first. It should be a universal principle, but it’s especially emphasized in a family of people whose lives are under a microscope. Without family loyalty, the Kardashian-Jenners would have nothing. When Kris neglects to tell Khloe that Jordyn would appear on Red Table Talk, Khloe is incredibly disappointed in her Mom’s behavior. “I’m your daughter…they’re f*cking with us,” Khloe screams at her Mom, Kris. Kris’s decision to err on the side of Kylie’s best interest infuriates Khloe, and she yells at Kris in a last-ditch effort to remind her that she needs to consider all of her children when making these calls.

We can say that the Kardashians are impressive for their incredibly successful brands, reality show, and global recognition. To me, they are a case study of the power that lies within a united family. Though this episode demonstrated a test in familial unity, it also reminded us that these women got to where they are because of their family. How many other stars can you think of that rose to fame and became utterly unhinged? It could be for a number of reasons, but I believe it’s mostly because some of these celebrities don’t have that prerequisite for achieving stable fame. The Kardashians’ secret sauce to sanity and continuous growth is simple: family.

If Kim went against her husband when he went on a Twitter shit-storm last year, if Kylie had turned against Khloe during Jordyngate, if Kourtney publicly went against Scott when he began dating Sofia… we may have all noticed a crack in the shell. To me, their disunity would be a bigger PR nightmare than any cheating friend or Twitter drama. There’s a special place in hell for family who turns against family, and the Kardashians never do this. Their continuous support of one another is what keeps them powerful and grounded. Their success is a testament to their familial unit, and what it means to stick together despite trying times.

What comes next?

When KUWTK returns next season, we can probably expect to see a lot more of Kim’s journey to Kim Kardashian West, Esq. This is a dream-come-true for me. As an aspiring lawyer and life-long Kim K Stan, her dual-threat as a beauty icon and lawyer is as on-brand for me as it gets. We’ll likely see more Kardashian Kiddo content, as Kim became a mother of four and there are whispers of a second baby for one Kylie Jenner. I also hope to see more development of Kanye’s Sunday Service (would it hurt us to finally get that Sunday Service Tour I’ve been asking about? #DailySundayServiceTourPrayer – get it trending). Perhaps we’ll learn more about Kylie’s status as “self-made” billionaire and we’ll get to watch her skincare line come to fruition, as well as Kim’s body makeup and shapewear lines. I’m looking forward to what lies ahead for this family, and I know they’ll deliver. We can count on Kris Jenner for that. Ciao, dolls.

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KUWTK S16E11 – Jordyngate Pt I

Welcome to Week 3 of my recaps — we’ve finally reached what die-hard stans and fair-weather “fans” have been waiting for: Jordyngate. We were all there for this story’s original break back in February; rumors of a Jordyn/Tristan romp seemed unbelievable, even for the family who’d been through a 72-day marriage, a public gender transition, and a cheating scandal during the ninth month of pregnancy (thanks for Round 2 Tristan, I guess…). I originally thought the story was completely fabricated, a far-fetched clickbait article put together by a desperate amateur journalist. This notion was quickly put to rest as the family stayed deafeningly silent on the issue (“wouldn’t they defend her if it wasn’t true?” we all asked) and Jordyn addressed the rumors herself on Red Table Talk just a few days later.

The Jordyn Of It All

The episode centers around Khloe as she is renovating her house and suffering with migraines through the process. The producers (synonymous with Kris Jenner, lol) are careful to include Jordyn in this opening scene, wherein Khloe is describing the additions she’s making to her Calabasas mansion. They also throw in a pregnancy scare which prompts Khloe and Kris to take some tests. This was undoubtedly a Clearblue sponsorship, but I still got a good laugh from Kris Jenner’s test displaying a book and not a typical +/- sign.

Khloe’s migraines (and bloody vomit, ew) prevent her from going to Cleveland, and we are led to believe that the Jordyn drama unfolds in the days following this cancelled trip. Do we think Khloe was really experiencing a kind of clairvoyant stress with her migraines, was it a case of excellent editing, or were the two sequential but unrelated?

Khloe visits her OB/GYN (yes, the one that delivered her baby, informally known as Dr. A). Ladies, pro-tip: if you’re experiencing a medical issue and you’re not sure which doctor you should see, your gynecologist is a great bet. Lady doctors are the best. Though Khloe’s MRI comes back normal, her world is quickly rocked by the news that her on-again-off-again baby Daddy, Tristan “Third Trimester” Thompson hooked up with the Kardashian-Jenner family friend (and live-in BFF of Kylie), Jordyn Woods. Larsa Pippen calls to tell Kim the news, and the story breaks while Kourt and Kim are doing interviews. The sisters do a conference call where Khloe says she talked to Jordyn, who wasn’t providing Khloe with the “whole truth.” Jordyn talks about a kiss but can’t remember if she “did or didn’t.” This warrants a disgusted response and disbelief from all sisters, including Kylie.

Kim also gets a call from Tracy Romulus who’s actually Kanye West’s publicist. Even Tracy, with her seasoned background working on total PR shitstorms (“I no longer have a manager, I can’t be managed”), is in disbelief about this story . “Tristan is a disgusting pig,” she says to Kim’s agreement.

Kim, Kylie, and Khloe have a sit-down where Khloe lays out the logical flaws in Jordyn’s mistake. Clear-headed and almost emotionless, Khloe relays her disappointment in Jordyn. “We all knew what Tristan is capable of,” she notes, but Jordyn’s behavior was completely unlike her. This is the paramount conclusion of this entire scandal. It’s not that society is “blaming the woman,” or “slut-shaming” Jordyn – it’s that this was expected of Tristan, not of Jordyn.

A Church In The Wild

The episode also touches on the development of Kanye’s “church” which has been in development for several months. It’s commonly known as the “Sunday Service,” and it started in a lot in Burbank, but the episode follows Kanye as he moves the service to outdoor venues. **Please note that I’m working on a very modest campaign to get this Service to be a national tour — #DailySundayServiceTourPrayer, get it trending.** The Service has become wildly popular, and even Kim notes she’s excited to see its growth. The repetitive use of the word “church” had me CRINGING, because critics accuse Kanye of starting a cult fostered by his “God-Complex” with the hope of making a profit and pulling people in like a cult. I don’t want to get into all of this criticism right now, but I disagree with it. Still, using “church” could potentially be damaging to Kanye’s project since evangelicals and atheists alike may be skeptical of his plan. That’s never stopped the man before.

I also want to take a brief interlude to just note how Kanye West stands at ColorMeMine. There’s nothing normal about him and I love him for all his idiosyncrasies.

Forgiveness?

During the sisters’ discussion, Kylie makes it clear that if her relationship with Jordyn should ever continue, it won’t look the same. Back when this story broke, you may recall Khloe tweeted that Jordyn essentially broke up her family, which was all-around a bad use of Twitter, but Khloe soon retracted her statement after it was met with a lot of criticism.

I admittedly felt sympathy for Jordyn then, and I still feel a microscopic amount of sympathy for her now. Jordyn fucked up majorly thrice: the first mistake was whatever the hell happened with Tristan, the second was not telling the whole truth to Khloe when she was confronted, and the third was not saying sorry. Khloe notes in the episode that she’s sympathetic to everyone, but that Jordyn’s complete disregard for Khloe’s feelings in this left Khloe with no choice but to cut Jordyn out and blame her for part of this event.

Still, I’m often sympathetic to people who are at the receiving end of internet trolling and hatred. Jordyn, in my opinion, should not be forgiven by the Kardashian-Jenners, should no longer be an employee for Good American or work with Kylie Cosmetics, and she should not be looked upon favorably by any of the sisters, Kris, etc. However, her careless actions do not warrant some of the hate she has received. I will never ever understand internet trolls who take it upon themselves to tell anyone to “kill themselves” or even to openly slut-shame her. She was in the wrong, but keyboard warriors always take it too far.

Still, Jordyn’s actions were unforgivable. I have nothing to say about Tristan Thompson except that he’s a mediocre-at-best basketball player. We already knew that. Jordyn lived with Kylie and has been a friend of the family for so long. What mindspace could she have been in to have any sort of ANYTHING with Tristan Thompson, and what’s worse, how could she go home (to Kylie’s…) and lie with a smile on her face until she was caught in her own shit? Like Kim said, I would have been begging for Khloe’s forgiveness should I have ever made that first mistake. I would never have been able to live with that type of guilt, and I feel like most of the people reading this would be the same.

A fellow Toaster, Hannah Luble, said it best: “she f*cked up, but she should still be able to work… she’s a child.” I completely agree with this and don’t know why it’s a controversial opinion… I know most of us would not have made these mistakes when we were 21, but it’s also worth noting that Jordyn is young and that the Kardashians are a POWERFUL empire of women who can essentially destroy careers at the snap of a finger. Fortunately for Jordyn, her career does not seem to be a problem. She is in the midst of a collab with Boohoo. You’d almost think Kris Jenner is her manager?

Stay tuned for next week, where things appear to get emotional and Kylie’s loyalty is seemingly tested. Until then, dolls!

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KUWTK S16E10 – Psoriasis & Sister Fits

Welcome to Week Two of my KUWTK Analysis Series! This week’s episode entitled “Heavy Meddle” was a clear filler episode, gearing us up for the meat and potatoes of the season (#Jordyngate), though it had some great snippets of the family and what’s to come. Throughout the episode, we follow Kim’s psoriasis flare-ups, Kourt & Kendall’s fight (with interjection from Khloe), and Kris/Kylie’s Kylie Cosmetics HQ spat. It’s hard to tell what was supposed to be the “A-Plot” of this episode since they were all somewhat bogus, so I’ll track them as they’re introduced chronologically.

Kim’s Psoriasis + a Subtle KKW Body Ad

Leave it to the businesswoman of our generation to turn her skin flare-ups into yet another profitable venture. Sitting in her massive minimalist bathroom, Kim shows Khloe her psoriasis flare-ups while trying on a lavish and teeny glittery dress for an unnamed event. Some of us might remember when Kim learned she had psoriasis in the first place, way back in Season 6 of Keeping Up. Back then, we just saw small rashes on Kim’s legs. On this week’s episode, they’re all over her body and even make their way to her ears and face, according to Kim. “My face…feels like flaming hot cheetos,” she laments.

Kim proceeds to get her body makeup and rubs it on her legs right on camera. “You have to put that on and it gets all over your clothes?” Khloe asks, a fair question. Though Kim doesn’t explicitly mention her up-and-coming product (the KKW Body Collection which launches this Friday, June 21), the subliminal messaging is not lost on us. Still, the psoriasis on Kim’s face is new territory for her, and it seems to prevent her from meeting some of her normal obligations like red-carpet events and public appearances. At the end of the scene, she remarks that she’s not going to her event that night due to the severity of her psoriasis.

Kim also sees a “medical medium,” which like… what the f*ck? I have mixed feelings about this but I generally relate to Kim’s desire to try and solve her aesthetic problems with any possible solution, however bogus. The medical medium also does a quick read on Kanye mentioning his abnormal neurons. We could have told you that, Mister!

Finally, Kim’s storyline concludes with her collaboration with model and influencer, Winnie Harlow, who suffers from Vitiligo, a skin disease that causes skin to lose pigment in blotches. Though this story-line didn’t reach its full “love yourself” potential, I was proud of Kim for concluding with this positive note. It frustrated me when Kim sat on the couch and complained about not being able to go out because of her psoriasis, given that she is the arguably one of the most beautiful women on the planet. She even goes so far as to say she “might have to give up [her] public life” so it’s good she started law school. Kimmy… love you, but no. Still though, the Gemini in me can see both sides. She’s the most beautiful woman on the planet, and even she can’t prevent her flare-ups. It sucks to have yourself ripped apart in the tabloids, regardless of your stature or purse-size. Jackie Oshry of The Morning Toast shared that sympathetic outlook, noting “the world and society…even [Kim] herself… has made everything about her looks.” While I can definitely criticize Kim for her lack of perspective on this issue, I’m also sympathetic to stressing over appearance. I have this stress constantly, and my appearance is not my career.

Office “Drama“

Honestly this part of the episode was so boring and fake I could barely get through it, and I crave Kylie content. I’m a Kylie and Kris STAN, and I did love seeing the glimpse into Kylie’s office (that aesthetic is everything), but I do think Kris Jenner could manage to acquire some office space up to her standards without having to argue with her 21-year-old daughter (however powerful that daughter may be). This story-line felt poorly manufactured, but at least I was gently reminded to buy some new lip kits. Did I mention I love Kylie?

Regardless of this lackluster “story,” I felt myself yearning for Kylie’s life and job. Her office is beautiful, functional, and seemingly low-stress. Her Mom is her manager, collaborator, and CFO. In case you didn’t know, Kourtney reminded us with an attitude (of course), Kylie is a billionaire. We all have our problems, but I wouldn’t mind taking on Kylie’s for a day. They seem manageable.

You Meddlin’ Khloe

Kendall and Khloe talk about an unfilmed trip Kendall took with Kourtney to Mammoth the prior weekend. Despite my general annoyance with both Kendall and Kourtney, I thought it was nice that they could take trips together! Kourtney gets some fair criticism for hanging out with a younger crowd, but this doesn’t bother me. Who cares if she wants to hang out with people younger than her? Scott’s dating a 20-year-old and it’s working great! Kourtney’s attitude is what’s bothersome. She thinks her jokes are funny enough to repeat even after Kendall’s protest. Note to Kourt: as a young person, I don’t find these jokes particularly funny. Kendall was also being too sensitive and nitpicky. So these two are both annoying and wrong.

Kendall and Kourt go back-and-forth with Khloe as mediator/meddler during the entire episode, each telling different versions of the trip. Kendall portrays Kourtney as a bully, trying to win Kendall’s friends’ favor at Kendall’s expense. Kourt describes Kendall as “so f*cking annoying,” saying Kendall prevented anyone from actually enjoying the trip to Mammoth. According to Kourtney, Kendall held everyone hostage over her grocery list. Drop the potatoes, and no one gets hurt. The episode ends with a fake fight and Kendall/Kourt blaming Khloe for their argument. *Yawn* Sure, E!

Side note: Did anyone else notice Kourtney’s Denzel shirt in that scene with Khloe? See below. I honestly dig it? Bible.

Overall…

The episode lacked a lot of substance. I tend to argue in favor of said substance that can be found through reality TV, but this one was a challenge. I did find myself sympathizing with Kim despite her out-of-touch complaining. Appearance is important, and it’d be irresponsible for anyone (especially the Kardashians) to act otherwise. Still, it was great she kept herself in check and welcomed a collaboration with Winnie Harlow, emphasizing the importance of difference and imperfection while doing so.

It looks like next week’s episode will finally deliver some footage about Jordyn. Stay tuned for that. Ciao dolls!

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Thanks to the Mayo Clinic website for more info on Vitiligo!

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KUWTK S16E9 – The Kardashians Tackle Mortality

This is, I hope, the first in a series of weekly articles I plan to write that aim to analyze the infamous reality show, Keeping Up With The Kardashians. As some readers may know, I’m an UBER stan of all things Kardashian-Jenner. I love Kanye West, Kylie Cosmetics, and have even dabbled in reading Poosh, Kourtney Kardashian’s lifestyle blog that’s essentially just her old app remodeled onto a free website. While watching a new episode of season 16 this week, I found myself identifying several parts of the show that warranted discussion far beyond the cost of the Kardashian-West holiday party or the size of Kim’s tush in those workout pants. Those are important topics too, but I’m going to dive a bit deeper.

But why analyze something that’s basically an intellectual escape?

Well for two reasons. First, a lot of people don’t take the Kardashians seriously. They may concede that their business ventures are undeniably successful while still degrading the show and reality television in general. I think in some sense I’m trying to prove to the naysayers that there’s a lot to be gained from this show besides “escapism.” Second, I intellectualize and psychoanalyze everything. It’s what I do, my raison d’être. Get used to it, readers, and sorry in advance.

So what happened this week?

Like many reality shows, KUWTK weaves a few stories throughout the course of each ~45-minute episode, sometimes presenting a theme or moral at the end. Not unlike a Disney movie, we’ll often hear Kim or Kris give us a moral “ism” that assures us we’re not just watching this show for sh*ts and gigs. There’s something to be learned, however mundane or obvious. This week’s episode, titled “Christmas Chaos,” followed Kim and Kanye’s plan to take over Kris Jenner’s infamous Christmas Eve party. Noting to Kris that all of the next-gen of Kardashian-Jenners are burnt out by the annual party, Kim decides to take on the tradition herself, saying that it’s time to “pass the baton.” An emotional Kris agrees, noting that it’s “right” but that it means she’s getting old. “No, you’re not,” Kim assures her.

This part strikes me because the Kardashian-Jenners are often scrutinized for their excessive plastic surgery and their unrealistic appearances given what they looked like just a few years ago (or in some cases, just a few weeks ago). These surgeries and beauty regimens may of course just be for vanity or for business, but I wonder if the anti-aging process is also meant to combat the greatest fear all humans share: death. As Kris cries about getting older, Kim gets emotional too: “it’s just a party,” Kim reasons. But after losing her father when she was only 22, it’s fair to assume that Kim’s closeness with her mother is also marked by a universal human fear: that some day she and others she loves will die. Of course, that’s not all this conversation is. Kris’s emotions also revolve around a tangible shift in “order,” that her daughter is taking on a tradition she loved to uphold. Though it’s partially deeply upsetting and even morbid, Kris’s tears also come from a pretty standard change. Reminder to self: Not everything is about death and dying. A lot of things are, but not everything.

B-Plot: The Tale of Blacktail

A smaller plot in this episode is the death of North’s hamster, or as Kim and Khloe would write: “hampster.” Remember that hamster one Auntie Koko bought for North without Kim’s permission? Well, sadly, it died. Kim and Khloe talk about the hamster’s death, and Kim recounts that North actually asked to see Robert Kardashian’s tombstone (North’s late grandfather). When Kim asks if North is afraid, North says “it’s not like Michael Jackson Thriller.” In other words, North is able to discern different depictions of death pretty astutely. Regardless, she still can’t tell the difference between the old Blacktail and the new Blacktail when Mommy and Koko have to replace the dead hamster — a universal challenge many parents face when they mistakenly buy their child (or niece) a pet of any kind.

I enjoyed this part of the episode because it felt like “normal” human behavior without being forced. KUWTK will often create plots that are obviously for the sake of the show’s movement, but this didn’t feel that way. Even if the producers did nudge Khloe to get the hamster in the first place, I doubt they killed it for ratings (although, honestly, you never know). Kim and Khloe going around to different pet stores in Kim’s Rolls Royce was a reminder that though these two stand in a socioeconomic spot above most of humanity, their antics remain parallel to the rest of us.

Blending Families

Kim’s cousin Cici (lovingly known by the family as “Chonch”) also makes an appearance in this episode, tied into the story-line about Caitlyn Jenner’s presence at the Christmas party. When Kim, Scott, and Cici talk about inviting Caitlyn, Cici is openly shocked. Her gasps might be exaggerated for the effect of the show, but Caitlyn is certainly a controversial figure in the Kardashian-Jenner world. After shaming Kris for her role in suppressing Caitlyn’s true identity, Caitlyn was essentially written off by Kris and the Kardashian-Jenner children. Still, she’s Kylie and Kendall’s Dad, so Kim tries to make it right by inviting her (first getting tentative permission from her Mom and sisters). When Kim and her sisters call Kris to try and rectify this invitation, Kris assures them it’s fine, insisting “vodka is my friend.”

Caitlyn’s appearance at the party isn’t talked about much more in the episode. The party’s more notable guests include Sia, JLo, Paris Hilton, and one currently disgraced Jordyn Woods. We’ll undoubtedly hear more about Jordyn’s demise when the season comes to a close.

This episode also has Kourtney and Scott’s infamous “modern family” trip, from whence we got the iconic “Three’s Company” pic from the Lord’s Instagram. When confronted by Kris about the general “weirdness” of this situation (I mean, as a person with a blended family I can appreciate the effort from both parties on this one, but it’s undeniably weird), Kourtney declares with laughter “I had a great time.” I’ll give Kourtney a few points for her apparent maturity in this episode despite several hiccups she’s had with Scott in the past. We don’t know much about Sofia yet from the show, but it seems that her relationship with Scott has only gotten better and more legit. After all, this is probably the most grounded we’ve ever seen him.

The Takeaway

They’re just like us, with more money. I’m not one of those people who thinks that money can’t provide happiness. It can! But only to an extent. These are some of the wealthiest and most influential people in the world, but they are not immune to the root causes of human struggle: death and family. Kim’s hesitation to talk to her daughter about what really happened to Blacktail 1.0 is an issue parents and children often go through. At what point do we break it to children that the things they love will go away forever? And, conversely, how do we tell our aging parents that we think it’s best they sit something out? It’s not easy, and it’s wrapped in a pretty bow in this episode when Kris notes it’s actually nice to not have the party burden on her shoulders, but emotion and anxiety about mortality do seep through.

Of course, this wouldn’t be Keeping Up without a little family politics. Khloe and Kourtney advise Kim to “uninvite” Caitlyn from the Christmas party, and both Kim and Kris hesitate. We’ve probably all been on both ends of this spectrum, whether we’re currently acting as peacemaker or protector. We’ll see how these roles shift when we’re finally privy to the semi behind-the-scenes look at Jordyngate in just a few weeks.

Chat later, dolls!

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